Cancer is limited

Oh how I've been holding off this post for a long time. I said to myself this blog will be filled with light stories,  feel good posts and lots and lots of positivity. But how can you radiate positivity when you yourself are in the midst of adversity, when it seems all hope is gone and you are desperately in need of a miracle? Then again, how can I also be true to myself, if I don't share this post to you. How can Lei truly love life if she doesn't accept even the hardships that come its way?

So now I bravely post this entry. Let me tell you about my family's journey with cancer and how it has affected our lives.

I've always been aware of our family's history of cancer from my father's side. My paternal grandfather died of cancer of the lungs in 1995. Then my dad's eldest brother died of stage 4 liver cancer after 4 months from initial diagnosis in 2005. After just two years, my dear aunt (next to my dad in birth order) was diagnosed with liver cancer as well and after just 8 months from diagnosis, succumbed to it. Another aunt (older sister of my dad), has cancer of the thyroid and is fortunately thriving and battling this disease. Just last November, another uncle (third to the eldest) was diagnosed with a tumor in his lungs and died. And lately, another uncle (second to the eldest) was diagnosed with tumors surrounding his neck.

It was heart crushing seeing them go one by one, most specially for my dad who took care of our relatives 'til their dying days. He himself said once, that he has accepted his family's fate and that he too one day may not be spared from that dreaded disease.

The first diagnosis

And so that day came. In February of 2009, Papa showed us a huge lump at the side of his neck. He thought it might be because of his aching tooth. The dentist prescribed antibiotics but still the swelling did not subside. He also complained of severe sinusitis and clogged nose. We all decided that he be checked by an E.N.T. Tests were conducted and exactly on his 57th birthday, we got the results. He has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. My mom cried. I tried to be strong and assured her that we would get through this. I didn't know why but back then I had such a strong spirit and conviction that Papa will survive this. I was already engaged then and set to be married in December. All I hoped for was for Papa to walk me down the aisle.

Road to healing

Again, like in my previous posts, I've always tried to look for the good in the bad, be grateful inspite of trials, be accepting instead of questioning, and loving instead of hating. So I did all I could in my power to help my family through this. Further, this pulled the whole family together, we all matured, we all did everything we could, we stood together as one.

I researched in general about cancer and Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, the various treatments and cure (naturopathy, Western medicine). We changed our family's diet. I did the groceries and bought more organic and alkaline rich foods. We followed the doctor's orders to the dot. We went for the very latest and expensive targeted treatment combined with the regular chemotherapy even if it meant being buried in debt and selling some of our possessions. I even used my wedding funds and just made do with whatever Daddy A and I had left for our wedding back then.

Most important of all we stormed heaven for prayers. Every chemotherapy session, we would start a prayer brigade. We also prayed everyday as a whole family (this is what really brought us closer together). At night we would pray:
Fr. Fernando Suarez's healing video
The Holy Rosary
The Prayer of St. Peregrine
The Divine Mercy prayer or the chaplet
Prayer to St. Therese of the Child Jesus

We were also lucky that Fr. Fernando Suarez visited a church in our village to conduct a healing mass. Papa felt healing from God right after Fr. Fernando touched him. He was able to walk easily back home. And after  just one chemotherapy session, tests showed that the nodules/tumors in his neck and nose disappeared.

I made Papa a vision board as well. I wrote down there milestones for him to witness and achieve. And just like my own vision board, a lot of them were accomplished.

Witness my wedding in December 2009

His first apo R

His 60th birthday

Various holidays (this was taken just last New Year)

Various trips/outings (this was taken last December in Ilocos)

Papa's cancer has now metastasized just after barely 4 years. It has now affected his brain and it's heartbreaking to see his weary body deteriorating everyday. More than ever, we still believe in miracles. Whether it be healing or acceptance, we trust in God's great love and mercy.

And the list of milestones and memories goes on. It will never stop. Because:

Cancer is limited ...

It cannot cripple love,

It cannot shatter hope,

It cannot corrode faith,

It cannot eat away peace,

It cannot destroy confidence,

It cannot shut out memories

It cannot silence courage,

It cannot invade the soul,

It cannot reduce eternal life,

It cannot quench the spirit,

It cannot lessen the power

of the Resurrection.

(Poem taken from the web)